bad results today because im a dumbfuck
it starts out about three, four, fivish lastnight. i dont really know my sense of time and space isnt really what it used to be. i haven’t slept in a day and a half, two days. reason being im having restless leg and arms keeping me from the oblivion of unconsciousness. to counter this i have long sense planned out a workout regiment that would make a crackhead proud. using only dumbells, my body, and mind. i created strenuous shit to tire out my various parts so maybe i can drift into the sweet embrace of rest. so i work out and work out and work out until limbs dont want to work anymore. i worked up quite a stink and my muscles aren’t letting up and this is a method that usually works like a charm. in face if the sleeping beauty’s band of little people of various moods and persona’s hadn’t been so badly abused by her they probably wouldn’t have suggested my work out and she would still be up singing to birds and shit. or is that some other stereotypical disney character. i constantly get them mixxed up. anyway at the time i smell and i think to myself maybe a hot bath will get my muscles to relax. yes i take baths and pee sitting down too and wear oliander blossems in my hair because im just that pussified sue me for likeing baths. not just a bath but with bath calgon bath beads and bubbles. so i get in to start washing off and all the sudden the lights go out. i dont even remember falling asleep. i dont know how long i was asleep in this watery tomb but if my bladder hadn’t woken me up i probably would have turned into some bottem shelf tv dinner. when i woke up it was one of the biggest shocks of my life. my balls looked like they were the victems of some strange somalian method of ball torture. never in my life have i had a moment where i thought “hey, my nipples are kind of hard.” i actually even thought the hard nipples thing was a myth but when i woke up in that icy tomb of deceptions my nipples we hard enough to cut glass. i managed to finish my cleaning routine. shampoo and conditioning the beard. such stuff. the kicker was there’s been a sever drought and extreme heat around here lately. like walking in front of a giant hairdryer and doing jumping jacks so naturally the thermastat was on seventy. when i got out of the water the air conditioner kicked on with a vent right above my head as if the thermostat were to say “hey asshole. how about this?” i dont know if i have ever been so could i was actually panting and exhausted. straight out of the bathroom got dressed q tip cleaning process the whole shindig. then i had to load stereo equipment into a car to go to the pawn shop “totally not stolen i promise.” as im loading the shit into the car i hear an odd animalistic sound. i look up on one of the balcanies at my apartment and there are three small black children with nerf balls “not even the good kind like the weightless squeezy kind you would find at dollar general.” and they are yelling like three somalian pirates in their pupal stage. the only way i can describe it is if you have ever seen the movie congo and the natives are chanting and yelling to bring the dead or unconscious guy back into the world of the living, the yelling of the main native. “cheeeka! cheeeeka!” thats all i could hear. wondering if they were old enough to have learned how to steal shit yet i locked the car, and felt the shock of going to freezing cold body parts shrinking sort of cold to boiling southeast texas hot. it was not good. we pawn the shit, get our money. i saw this and found some humor in it. maybe its just me. howard stern is a more mature than i.
so know im home, writing this and working out more. i just didnt want to forget the day i fell asleep in a tub of water and nearly killed myself out of sheer stupidity.
